A moment of confusion: story of my life

 Today I would like to talk about something that I have been thinking a lot about lately. This involves someone of the opposite gender. Ever since I have given my life to Christ and actively sought Him, my perspective on romantic relationships has shifted drastically.

Here is the story, grab a chair, it's quite long... Let me give the guy the name K. K and I have known each other for about 5 years now. We tried something back when I was in high school. It wasn't really a relationship, but at that time, it was the closest I had to a relationship. This was because was unavailable most of the time because of my strict parents and also because we lived far apart, and could only see each other whenever I got a chance to go to town, which was not very often. So most of our relationship was on the phone, basically, our relationship deepened on the phone. 

Things were going smoothly until I lost my phone at school, we didn't communicate for about 3-4 months. I could only contact him when I managed to steal my mom's phone for a few minutes without her noticing. We couldn't meet anymore because of no communication.

About 4 months later, I got a new phone, and guess who was the first person I called? You guessed right, K. Immediately after collecting the phone, I made the call. I was walking with my friend in town. He said that we needed to talk about something, so I told him that we could talk when I got home. When I got home, he dropped a bomb on me. He told me that he cheated on me with a girl named Sarah, and I was devastated. He told me that it was a moment of weakness and our lack of communication didn't really help the situation. Even though it hurt, I commended his honesty. I thought I could move past it, but I was struggling.

I took some time to go through his Facebook activity for the past few months, and I saw that Sarah was actually his ex-girlfriend and they had been posting each other during the time when I didn't have a phone. I decided to end the relationship after the discovery. There are a few things that I like about K. He made me feel heard. We attended the same church, we used to sing together, and he believed that I was a star and that one day I would shine. 

There was a serious red flag that I never confronted though, one day he asked me to send him nudes. At that time, I didn't know what those were, so I refused. Now that I think about it, he is not as godly as I thought. All this happened between the years 2019-2020. 

Since we broke up, we only saw each other on social media. He often commented on my stories now and then. Last year, the thought of him crossed my mind and the future we used to dream about on our late-night calls back in high school. Recently, he reached out to me. I asked him what his intentions were, and he said that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I was not really content with the answer. Does he want to drag me back into sin, or bring me out of it? I asked him what his expectations would be when I became his girlfriend, and he couldn't answer that. He gave me half answers and I was not satisfied with that, so I told him to think about my questions and get back to me. He said that he had no problem with that, it's been 12 days since we talked. Am I wrong for this? Did I chase him off?

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I love you, but Jesus loves you more